I lost the person i loved the most, the person who knows me the most, the person that i cant stop thinking about i miss him everyday i still love him very much. I wish i could have him back in my arms i would do and give anything for him right now. i messed up big time i wish i wasn't selfish i really wanted to get back together with him but me and my stupid feelings waited too long, now all i want to do is wait for him. i moved out of our place and all i want to do is go home and see him be with him. he was the one for me why did i let him get away i wanted to marry him, now i am back at my mothers place i still havent unpacked cause i really just want to go home i could have stayed there but it would be too hard for me cause i think he just wants to move on. if i could go back and change everything i would i would have never let him ago all he ever did was love me and now i all i wanna do is love him and show him i'm here to stay i will never let him go. but has he already let me go?
i love you danny i'm sorry and i miss you like crazy.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Life goes on
Sometimes i really hate how life keeps moving on whether you like it or not.
I wish i can take a break from life, is that possiable???
still havent decided on school yet but i guess i need to soon.
i really wish i had a backup plan for this life but i dont.
i really do need my brother and his ex to have backup plans for their child that i take care of. since i am his babysitter full time its kind of hard for me to find a job cause interview wise i would need to find someone else to watch him and if i get a job then who will watch him? i know he isn't my child or my problem but i have been taking care of him for a long time that i feel that i have to worry about him.
but if i do go to school for early childhood development then it would have to be night school or online again. ugh dont know dont know.
I wish i can take a break from life, is that possiable???
still havent decided on school yet but i guess i need to soon.
i really wish i had a backup plan for this life but i dont.
i really do need my brother and his ex to have backup plans for their child that i take care of. since i am his babysitter full time its kind of hard for me to find a job cause interview wise i would need to find someone else to watch him and if i get a job then who will watch him? i know he isn't my child or my problem but i have been taking care of him for a long time that i feel that i have to worry about him.
but if i do go to school for early childhood development then it would have to be night school or online again. ugh dont know dont know.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
what do i really want to do.
So nothing has been really going, so i havent been wanting to share about my boring days.
i'm gettting to that point again where i'm tired of boys and tired of going backwards and want something new!
so yea i have been blowing off a couple of my guys.
Now i am at the point where i'm like what do i want to do next??? school, job what!!
i applied to get a school grant, since i have no money for school but i don't know if i want to go to school for hair or finish my early childhood education. or just go and apply for mac or sephora, i know i'm a makeup artist but for some reason i get so scared and think that, that still wont be good enough and i wont get the job.
ugh i have also been so emotional.
i just wish i knew what my furture was!
i don't want to take the wrong path.
i really feel like taking a vacation away from everything and everyone and just be alone! i thinnk i would really love that.
i'm gettting to that point again where i'm tired of boys and tired of going backwards and want something new!
so yea i have been blowing off a couple of my guys.
Now i am at the point where i'm like what do i want to do next??? school, job what!!
i applied to get a school grant, since i have no money for school but i don't know if i want to go to school for hair or finish my early childhood education. or just go and apply for mac or sephora, i know i'm a makeup artist but for some reason i get so scared and think that, that still wont be good enough and i wont get the job.
ugh i have also been so emotional.
i just wish i knew what my furture was!
i don't want to take the wrong path.
i really feel like taking a vacation away from everything and everyone and just be alone! i thinnk i would really love that.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sick.
ugh yes i got sick!
I am so mad at the person that made me sick!
one, cause i try to hard to not get sick.
two, he didn't tell me he was sick.
three, no i am sick.
Tuesday was a long day, and today doesn't feel like a wednesday, it feels like a thursday i guess i just really want the weekend to come.
and what is up with this weather? here in glendale, az it is very cold and super windy current temp is 39 degrees wtf at 2pm? even standing in the sun doesn't help cause i can't feel no warmth.
anyway i spend half of my day at my house yesterday since i had to stay late. What i really wanted to do was to sleep in my bed, i had the worst headache ever and it would not go away, and i was getting sick. so after cutting my coupons and making a list to go grocery shopping i was headed back to my mothers place where my brother and nephew live, but we made a stop at cvs i wanted to see if they had the new wet n wild palettes but i didn't even see a wet n wild section, and most of there 50-75% off items where gone :(
So i was finally headed home at 6pm and i stopped at fresh and easy to do some grocery shooping and i got 2 weeks worth of lunches and dinners for $70 including water and snacks and a bottle of wine:)
so i got home about 7 and i made salmon with asian bbq and a tomato and spinach salad it was super yummy.
i watched teen mom and cleaned up and was ready for bed.
then my roommate came and talked to me he is also my ex boyfriend i know so complicated but dont ask, well he started telling me about his girls and how he wanted to use the car on friday. well i told him about a sexual experience that i had and he had said that since the break up he has kissed 3 girls and for some reason my heart drop, then i had to snap back cause i realized we are no longer together. I guess i prepare myself for getting over him and getting use to being with other guys that i didn't realized that i had to get used to the fact that he was going to be with other people to. i didn't prepare for that because i thought i was going to be single and living alone. so yea i felt idk what i felt, i think felt like crap when he said he kissed this girl that he had been talking to even when we where together so i was just like wtf i knew he liked her so whatever. i guess she wanted to date him like right away.but he said he never talked to her sicne then. ugh whatever why am i dwelling over this? blah i went to bed early.
now its wedenday my day isn't even half over and now i have to get ready for my eye apt again. but it is so cold outside!
well i did some shopping today got myself two outfits 2pants and 2shirts yay me!
now what i really want is new makeup do i need it no i want it lol
i just saw the mac wonder women and i want it.
anyway hopefully i'll have a good night.
I am so mad at the person that made me sick!
one, cause i try to hard to not get sick.
two, he didn't tell me he was sick.
three, no i am sick.
Tuesday was a long day, and today doesn't feel like a wednesday, it feels like a thursday i guess i just really want the weekend to come.
and what is up with this weather? here in glendale, az it is very cold and super windy current temp is 39 degrees wtf at 2pm? even standing in the sun doesn't help cause i can't feel no warmth.
anyway i spend half of my day at my house yesterday since i had to stay late. What i really wanted to do was to sleep in my bed, i had the worst headache ever and it would not go away, and i was getting sick. so after cutting my coupons and making a list to go grocery shopping i was headed back to my mothers place where my brother and nephew live, but we made a stop at cvs i wanted to see if they had the new wet n wild palettes but i didn't even see a wet n wild section, and most of there 50-75% off items where gone :(
So i was finally headed home at 6pm and i stopped at fresh and easy to do some grocery shooping and i got 2 weeks worth of lunches and dinners for $70 including water and snacks and a bottle of wine:)
so i got home about 7 and i made salmon with asian bbq and a tomato and spinach salad it was super yummy.
i watched teen mom and cleaned up and was ready for bed.
then my roommate came and talked to me he is also my ex boyfriend i know so complicated but dont ask, well he started telling me about his girls and how he wanted to use the car on friday. well i told him about a sexual experience that i had and he had said that since the break up he has kissed 3 girls and for some reason my heart drop, then i had to snap back cause i realized we are no longer together. I guess i prepare myself for getting over him and getting use to being with other guys that i didn't realized that i had to get used to the fact that he was going to be with other people to. i didn't prepare for that because i thought i was going to be single and living alone. so yea i felt idk what i felt, i think felt like crap when he said he kissed this girl that he had been talking to even when we where together so i was just like wtf i knew he liked her so whatever. i guess she wanted to date him like right away.but he said he never talked to her sicne then. ugh whatever why am i dwelling over this? blah i went to bed early.
now its wedenday my day isn't even half over and now i have to get ready for my eye apt again. but it is so cold outside!
well i did some shopping today got myself two outfits 2pants and 2shirts yay me!
now what i really want is new makeup do i need it no i want it lol
i just saw the mac wonder women and i want it.
anyway hopefully i'll have a good night.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Normal Monday
Monday.
So monday came and went, just like the weekend.
I did my laundry in the morning, i thought i was going to be tired but i wasn't i guess my coffee worked for me .
Time did go by super slow. Now today i feel sick ugh runny nose and a sore throat i dont know who to thank my bff or my SB.
anyway i didn't have to work late last night so i was able to go to the gym, then came home and made dinner then took a shower and i was ready for bed by 9pm, but chavez had txt me and asked if he could see, and i finally said yes lol. i guess i was just tired of the same shit, and i do get tired of the same guy same sex real fast.
So of course he is never on time i tell him to come at 10pm nope 11pm he shows up so i kind of ignored him cause i was watching lost on my laptop in bed and i didnt say a word to him for about 10min lol
then we started the make out session, and he started to pleasure me, and this time he actually went down on me, yes it was my very first time ever. and can i just say ummm never again!!!!!! i dont know i didn't find it pleasurable but i'm great at faking it! :)
but can i also say that, the asshole hurt the shit out of me, first off he didnt let me move my legs for him so he was pushing down on my leg if i didnt move his hand when i did i really do think he would have broke it. it hurt that much so maybe thats why i did find it good at all cause i was in so much pain. cause my leg still hurts this morning.
anyway after all that was done it was 12am and he fell asleep and i finish watching lost and crashed out but again i was uncomfortable i think cause i didnt have lot of room to sleep and was hot, and getting sick.
so here is to a better tuesday and i better get paid today. cause rent is due.
So monday came and went, just like the weekend.
I did my laundry in the morning, i thought i was going to be tired but i wasn't i guess my coffee worked for me .
Time did go by super slow. Now today i feel sick ugh runny nose and a sore throat i dont know who to thank my bff or my SB.
anyway i didn't have to work late last night so i was able to go to the gym, then came home and made dinner then took a shower and i was ready for bed by 9pm, but chavez had txt me and asked if he could see, and i finally said yes lol. i guess i was just tired of the same shit, and i do get tired of the same guy same sex real fast.
So of course he is never on time i tell him to come at 10pm nope 11pm he shows up so i kind of ignored him cause i was watching lost on my laptop in bed and i didnt say a word to him for about 10min lol
then we started the make out session, and he started to pleasure me, and this time he actually went down on me, yes it was my very first time ever. and can i just say ummm never again!!!!!! i dont know i didn't find it pleasurable but i'm great at faking it! :)
but can i also say that, the asshole hurt the shit out of me, first off he didnt let me move my legs for him so he was pushing down on my leg if i didnt move his hand when i did i really do think he would have broke it. it hurt that much so maybe thats why i did find it good at all cause i was in so much pain. cause my leg still hurts this morning.
anyway after all that was done it was 12am and he fell asleep and i finish watching lost and crashed out but again i was uncomfortable i think cause i didnt have lot of room to sleep and was hot, and getting sick.
so here is to a better tuesday and i better get paid today. cause rent is due.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Weekend update!
hmmm what days did i not catch you up on?? on right the weekend.
I always like to think that the weekend starts on thursday, since sunday like today should be the lazy day to catch up on sleep,cleaning, and other random shit to do lol.
So thursday chill day had an amazing dinner!
So i love pork chops but i hate cooking them in the pan, and i had a craving for tacos so i thought why not just put them in the slow cooker and see what happens.
So i did and i made my own sweet/tangy/spicy sauce omg it was so good i loved it and so did everyone else. it was super yummy. my bestie came over and had also love them.
After that i went to go pick up my friend and we had an advanture, she found a phone on the bus and decided to get some good karma and return it to its owner, so hopfully she does get good karma.
Friday was my half day cause i only work till 1pm on fridays, i played with makeup and it came out really nice, i had a lot of compliments on it so yay!
all i did that night was have dinner with my girls we had some burgers from in-and out yum.
Saturday night midnight bingo!
yes we love our midnight bingo i know it may seem like we are old but it is very fun! i love it!
but non of us won but we always have a lot of fun.
home at 4am and i went to bed, but after a phone call from robert finally he called me i was so worried! cause we had plans to hang out. and i also heard from my baby boo rudy he had one hell ofa night, he is one crazy dude cant wait to see him also.
Now its sunday afternoon, gonna make my bestie some dinner we are gonna have a sleep over yay lol.
ok so i'm off to see what i can make.
I always like to think that the weekend starts on thursday, since sunday like today should be the lazy day to catch up on sleep,cleaning, and other random shit to do lol.
So thursday chill day had an amazing dinner!
So i love pork chops but i hate cooking them in the pan, and i had a craving for tacos so i thought why not just put them in the slow cooker and see what happens.
So i did and i made my own sweet/tangy/spicy sauce omg it was so good i loved it and so did everyone else. it was super yummy. my bestie came over and had also love them.
After that i went to go pick up my friend and we had an advanture, she found a phone on the bus and decided to get some good karma and return it to its owner, so hopfully she does get good karma.
Friday was my half day cause i only work till 1pm on fridays, i played with makeup and it came out really nice, i had a lot of compliments on it so yay!
all i did that night was have dinner with my girls we had some burgers from in-and out yum.
Saturday night midnight bingo!
yes we love our midnight bingo i know it may seem like we are old but it is very fun! i love it!
but non of us won but we always have a lot of fun.
home at 4am and i went to bed, but after a phone call from robert finally he called me i was so worried! cause we had plans to hang out. and i also heard from my baby boo rudy he had one hell ofa night, he is one crazy dude cant wait to see him also.
Now its sunday afternoon, gonna make my bestie some dinner we are gonna have a sleep over yay lol.
ok so i'm off to see what i can make.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Mimi's Cafe
Hump day!!
Yes yesterday was wedensday hump day, but i didn't get no hump in bed lol.
it was a very chill day, rushed morning cause i forgot i had an eye apt so i had to rush back home too get my shit. but my day was very chill and i was super comfortable. Dominick and i were watching movies pretty much all day.
We started with buried the one where the guy is buried in a box, the whole movie is him in the box and yes he dies in the box! dont get it, its just a very loong ass movie. Dominick got scared cause he kept saying i dont want to watch this movie no more.
So then i went to return that one and i rented, red, alpha and omega,and sherk ever after.
He like those movies, but i didn't watch red with him too much violence for him lol.
Anyway i feel so different cause i'm wearing contacts again so now if i wear to much makeup i cant hide behind my glasses lol
anyways after coming home from the gym i took my bestie out to dinner we went to mimi's cafe i have never been and she said it was good there and it sure was they have this meal deal where you get soup or salad and your entree and a min dessert yum! we had a good time.
i came home started to watch red, but then feel asleep i was too tired and it was only 1030pm yay me for going to bed early lol.
so yea no lovers came over, but i guess i;ll get some this weekend lol.
Yes yesterday was wedensday hump day, but i didn't get no hump in bed lol.
it was a very chill day, rushed morning cause i forgot i had an eye apt so i had to rush back home too get my shit. but my day was very chill and i was super comfortable. Dominick and i were watching movies pretty much all day.
We started with buried the one where the guy is buried in a box, the whole movie is him in the box and yes he dies in the box! dont get it, its just a very loong ass movie. Dominick got scared cause he kept saying i dont want to watch this movie no more.
So then i went to return that one and i rented, red, alpha and omega,and sherk ever after.
He like those movies, but i didn't watch red with him too much violence for him lol.
Anyway i feel so different cause i'm wearing contacts again so now if i wear to much makeup i cant hide behind my glasses lol
anyways after coming home from the gym i took my bestie out to dinner we went to mimi's cafe i have never been and she said it was good there and it sure was they have this meal deal where you get soup or salad and your entree and a min dessert yum! we had a good time.
i came home started to watch red, but then feel asleep i was too tired and it was only 1030pm yay me for going to bed early lol.
so yea no lovers came over, but i guess i;ll get some this weekend lol.
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